The greatest trick the hoe ever pulled was convincing us that she didn't have feelings. Most men have, at some point, made it off the bench and started for Team Save A Hoe. I would also like to venture a guess and say that most men lost their virginity to a hoe. Hoes are a part of life, they are the backbone to the moral fibre of society and somebody has to do it. Please note: In this piece, 'hoe' is synonymous with 'side chick'.
They usually start off very cool, almost like a male companion. Laughing at chauvinistic comments and getting involved in general bro talk. Men take this as "She wants the D", because more often than not, she does. She'll casually come up with an ideal proposition along the lines of fooling around with no strings attached. At this point, the man doesn't feel obligated to divulge any much information with regards to whatever relationship he might be having at the time, nor does he care for whatever relationship she might be in. Besides, most men know that nothing beats the warmth of your penis wrapped inside some vaginal walls. So you proceed to fucking like champions and enjoying the pleasures of a non-committal and unemotional relationship... then the man gets confused. This is primarily because his dick is hard 95% of the time he's with her, and the amount of blood in the male body can only run one head at a time. This carries on for a couple of weeks or months and the man may start to consider dating her. The problem is that he doesn't want to jeopardise the great head, solid vagina and non-existent pillow talk and she doesn't seem to even require a relationship.
This is until she sees the man in his mack stance, talking to another woman. Or until she finds out he has a girlfriend. This is when all the shit hits the fan where all hell has broken loose. She will badmouth your girlfriend, threaten to castrate, or set clothes on fire. The bi-polarity of hoes has always astounded me. For example, even after the less than amicable end to your extra-curricular dalliances, she will see you at the club, drunk, and attempt to have sex with you in the bathrooms. She'll do this right in front of the leopard printed shawty with the pedicured toes you were trying to win. Some hoes take it as far as conjuring up fake pregnancy scares in an attempt to trap the man, or get money out of him. This is a bold move and used as a last resort that could turn out very ugly, especially if she really is pregnant. This distinct lack of tact pushes the man further away and before you know it, all is forgiven and memories are kept. It goes without saying that this methodology is what makes her a certified hoe. It is the combination of not wanting a relationship while having casual sex, then acting like you did when it's over. Take away the latter and you have a girl that just enjoys having sex. Hoes love attention.
I don't have anything against hoes. Life would be boring without them, and probably longer. I wish we could celebrate them with some kind of Hoe Olympics where performance enhancing drugs are the norm. I would love to see who the Dance Hoestrong would be. What bothers me is the amount of emotional turmoil hoes withstand to continue hoeing. How much heartbreak can one take before they lose it completely? Maybe that explains why they're bi-polar. And it is for this reason I do not want a daughter. I would consider starting a new family if I saw my future daughter tweet "We outchea in VIP! Hoe vibes lol ;)".
Disclaimer: No hoes were hurt during this post.
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