So Far And Before

"Compleemants of teh seizures" - Me (31 December 2012, Midnight). To all those who sent their season's greetings via SMS with perfect grammar and spelling, I'm so sorry. You lot should learn to live a little. Ironically enough, I tried this last year, and as most Bafana Bafana fans don't know: You win some, you lose some.

Things only really started falling apart towards the end of last year when I lost my job. There are few things I hate more than dwelling in the past and wallowing in self-pity, so I'm not going to go in to detail as to how my vocational contract was ended prematurely.

All in all, however, 2012 was a memorable year. Partially because for most of the year, a very small part of me was hoping it would all end on the 21st of December, as predicted by the extinct Mayan people. I drank, I loved, I lived. I learned a lot about gin and tonic, managing relationships and being nice to others. I am happy, in a stable relationship and still loved by my parents. This all may sound like fun, but through all this I also hurt, and learnt, the hard way.

I'm not the type to blow his own horn, so I won't. I am an advocate of self-deprecation, so I laugh at myself as often as possible to prevent others from procuring as much joy from my dismay. During the embryonic stages of 2012 it soon became apparent to me that I was somehow more appealing to others than I have ever been (men and women). I'm not exactly sure if it was because I had a new found confidence in myself but something was ripe in the state of Denmark (Hamlet). I had graduated in BCom Finance at UWC the year before, and I was eager to engage with people that wear jeans that fit and mouths that were worth opening. Too eager. A couple of broken hearts later and almost losing a close friendship (which I'm still trying to fix), it hit me like a "Missed My Flight" from Abantu at 2 in the morning. You know, when couples are already on second base right next to the bouncer sitting on the barstool outside? I knew I needed to grow even more worldly than just the cosmopolitan confines of Cape Town. I met many new people from all walks of life: Those that are not from South Africa, gays, lesbians, transgenders and some big booty hoes.

I was living on my own, on my own account, for the second time in my life. And the rockstar lifestyle dwindled along with the wages every month. I look back at it now, and I honestly do not regret a single moment of it. A lot of people that know me, or think they know me, would be forgiven for thinking that I was some kind of sex-crazed alcoholic. At some point, maybe I was, but there are so many different aspects of my personality. I am terrible in my mother tongue (no incest), good with maths and English, and my mind rarely sleeps. A good friend told me that I drink so it can sleep, to which I hmmmm'd very introspectively. So I carried on living outside of my means and out of my comfort zone and realised that what I want in life won't be attained while I'm blacked out, or maybe I black out because I'm afraid of what I'll attain if I don't. Petty excuses, I know. One thing I haven't lost is my need to throw in a crumpled piece of toilet paper in the bowl before I defecate to prevent any arterial spray during any audible log droppings. Okay, time for a new paragraph.

Twitter had a huge role to play in terms of my relationships, viewing the world how others perceive it, twerking and a whole host of other abominable realisms. People are not inherently on Earth for everyone else's benefit. They generally don't care unless it involves them. And they often find amusement and joy in the failure of others. But I'm not here to give Twitter a bad rap. During the many times I was painting the town red, people would approach me asking if I was 'SeeYay' or 'Sunny's brother' (Sunny is my brother). By then they had already had a decent grasp of what kind of person I was based on my tweets, and it was thus easy to engage with them, if I wasn't on the floor begging it to stop spinning. This was around the same time I decided that Twitter was indeed real and I would use it to my advantage. And by my advantage I mean get women. It worked, but it was meaningless. I was never raised to be that person, and I never will be.

It has come to my attention that I want to become a writer and need to not mislead people with 140 character sensationalist tweets, but rather get a full view of who I am. This is what I think is the best platform to showcase this talent and kill two birds with one bone (yes, this is a threesome reference, but not really). So here I am, giving in to the whims of blogging for the betterment of my life. I really don't subscribe to the notion of IDGAF. Everyone cares, and without caring all we have is anarchy and unkempt toenails. Like my early days on Twitter, I have no idea how this works but one thing I do love is learning. And with that I complete my first blog post.

- Siya Mawisa or @SeeYay for short.