Blacks Love Hate

 

I honestly believe that there is no race more racist towards black people than black people themselves. Despite Martin Luther King’s moving speech, we are the ones who judge others by the colour of their skin. Ever since black people were freed from slavery, they have been racing towards opulence, exorbitant wealth and stunting on everyone around them. Black people hate everything and anyone doing better than them, even each other, and all it does is make my people look like clowns. Don’t get me wrong, there are some races that I also despise. The 10 kilometre really gets my blood boiling.

All you need to do is take a peek into black twitter to realise that the magnitude of the meaningless ridicule, constant bashing and terrible typographical errors are taking black people so far back that it questions how much we deserve nice things like freedom, warm water and internet.

Genders

The battle of the sexes in the black community runs deep, like the well that girl came out of in ‘The Ring’…  no it’s harder to get out of… like that hole the Dark Knight struggled to escape from. Whatever pit you can think of, it’s that, but without a bottom. We have men vs women, women vs women, and men vs men. This is the flagship demon of the black people.

Black men attack black women (sometimes physically) because black women are all apparently whores until proven otherwise. Once proven otherwise, it is only a matter of time before they become whores anyway. They believe that black women have an attitude that makes them cold, soul sucking vampires, not unlike Dementors. They are also believed to only want black men with flashy cars, designer labelled clothes and the tears of unicorns as cologne.  In light of this, whenever a black man becomes successful enough to attain these trinkets, he usually marries a white woman. This stench of insecurity is so self-defeatist that it even perpetuates itself onto the social fabric of black women. And so the vicious cycle begins.

Black women live under the notion that all black men in relationships will eventually lead a life of infidelity, no matter how well you treat them. The most amorous woman, with chef-like cooking abilities stands no chance holding down the promiscuous black man. The only type of black man that exists is a promiscuous one. A black man is to be treated no different to an untrained dog, according to black women. They must be told when to stay, who they can go out with, and who their friends can be. A black man’s phone activity should always be monitored for any extra-curricular feelings, events and meetings, in lieu of actually voicing any problems that the black woman may have. Yes, I know. It’s all rather confusing, even for me.

The black man does not like his fellow black man. He is a threat to him. If he pops three bottles in the club, it is up to you to pop four. If he has three girlfriends, you have to go gather up some girlfriends of your own. Once black males are around each other, there is no other intention than to exert your testosterone and solidify your place as the alpha-male.

Black women will twerk their way into a coma if it means another black girl doesn't get whatever she wanted. They judge each other on the enormity, or lack, of mammary glands and the gluteus maximus.  Your weave has to be perfect in the face of gale force winds otherwise you will be labelled as a ‘basic bitch’. What exactly ‘basic’ means in this context escapes me, but I’m sure the knowledge of it would scare me. There are ‘bad bitches’ and ‘ratchet hoes’ which I have learned (to my despair) are exactly the same thing except the one group has more money than the other and is thus held in a higher regard by his or her peers.

Complexion

Being light-skinned is close to godliness, that is the motto.  Whether you are male or female, if you have a light complexion you are believed to be better. And by ‘better’ I mean more sexually desirable. However, if you are able to have a caramel skin tone and still manage to be ugly, you are going to Hell, no questions asked. There are, however, some unwelcome caveats to being light-skinned.

Light-skinned men are considered to be more in touch with their feminine side than their dark-skinned counterparts, whereas light-skinned women are deemed to be self-obsessed gold diggers. These are very small prices to pay to being light-skinned. Dark-skinned people are treated with disgust and ridicule. A dark-skinned person is always the leading suspect when a crime is committed, whether they have an airtight alibi or not.

What I am trying to emphasise here is the very fact that, within a single racial group, there is racism between the light and the dark. Sound familiar? Do we miss being enslaved by white people so much that we create our own racism among our own people? It all boils down to one of two things: 1) Black people have too much time on their hands or 2) Black people hate being black.

I’m going with the latter. There have been celebrities who have been known to bleach their skin to make it appear lighter in the hope of being accepted on a more universal level. We’ll give Michael Jackson the benefit of the doubt, and vitiligo, but local celebrities like Mshoza have bleached their skin to appear lighter. Even Nicki Minaj has purposefully lightened her skin to appear ‘more white’. The burgeoning business of buying weaves from Brazil and India also support my suspicions that we don’t want to be Africans.

Service

Receiving good care as a customer is about as likely to happen as a giraffe winning a game of limbo, in an ocean, made of cement. But when a black person serves another black person, the air just becomes filled with flammable attitude. Black people in the service industry lack the appreciation of haste about as much as their black patrons lack the virtue of patience.

When the age gap is very large between the parties, the hate just inexorably filters through their pores. While other black people watch and make wagers on who will be attending whose funeral, you just sit and wonder why the black service consultant doesn't treat the black customer like he would a Caucasian customer? It’s disconcerting to accept that your fellow black sisters and brothers (no Sizwe Dhlomo) won’t treat you as well as other races. This is a part of the game that we can live without.

You can’t say that you've never walked into a KFC and the full figured lady working behind the till has given a particular look of resentment that leaves you regretting that you ever entered the establishment. It’s at this moment that your pride builds and you make your order with such authority that you even describe the chicken pieces that you want and who must serve them to you. As soon as she turns around, it hits you that she will be handling your food. Your shoulders slump and with them, the chances that you will ever get anything you want. The white family behind me is greeted with so much gusto and enthusiasm, but I comfort myself with the assumption that the till lady doesn't see too many white families in the Gugulethu Square branch of KFC.

All in all, I just wish black people could uplift each other instead of fighting all the time. Bringing each other down will not aid prosperity, it will just stifle growth. If you look at other cultures and races, from white people to Jews to Indians and Muslims, they all help each other gain as much as possible. Unit trusts are opened at the age of 12 at bar mitzvahs, while beers are sold to 12 year olds in township taverns. Black people don’t even restrain each other from making terrible decisions. If someone steps on a fresh pair of my friend’s Jordan sneakers, the only amicable way to resolve it is to shoot the perpetrator. As students in the education system, we don’t help each other unless it involves stealing someone’s girlfriend. It’s just not on. We need to mature as a collective. As new as the freedom and the money is, we need to give it a chance to grow old and accustomed to us.